Airing Sohma dirty Laundry a Jerry Springer Fruits
by baka-neko-luv-nezumi
Summary: The title says it all * grin*
1. Default Chapter

Warning: Read at your risk  
  
  
  
Airing Sohma dirty Laundry a Jerry Springer Fruits Basket Special  
  
Jerry: Welcome to the Jerry Springer Show!  
  
Jerry: On today's show, incest, UST, yaoi and other lovely things that made fruits basket the number 1 hit anime of 2001!, we are  
  
going to meet some trouble teens who are plagued by a curse that would put strain on any straight guy's libido; hopefully we can get these people some help and perhaps resolve their dilemmas. Let's bring out our first guest, "Miss I want to heel you" herself, Tohru Honda!  
  
All yaoifangirls in audience boo as Tohru walks out.   
  
Tohru: Hello, Jerry! I just love your show!  
  
Jerry: I'm glad to hear that Tohru. Now, our audience wants to know about your  
  
relationships with the sohmas.  
  
Woman in Audience: You mean her harem of guys! Share them with the rest of us,  
  
you bishounen hording ho!  
  
  
  
bouncer Dude makes slash-loving females shut up.   
  
Tohru: Etou... I'm very good friends with each and every one of them. Yuki- kun, Kyou-kun, Momiji-kun, everyone of them have a special place in my heart.  
  
Jerry: suuuure…so which one is your favorite?  
  
Tohru: Anou…they all unique in their own ways; everyone have that special umeboshi  
  
On their backs .  
  
Jerry: huh? So is it Kyou or Yuki?  
  
Tohru: eh?  
  
Jerry: Then let's bring the cat and mouse of this lovely love triangle; Audience please welcome Yuki and Kyou sohma to the show.  
  
Yuki walks out carrying a dozen red roses. He hands then to Tohru, why Kyou throws him his ever present angsty death glare  
  
Jerry: Now, Yuki, Tohru tells us that she is in love with both you and kyou. Do you feel the  
  
same way about her?  
  
Yuki: Do I love Tohru? Yes. I love her with all my heart.  
  
Man in Audience: What kind of show is this?! I Wanna See Some ass kicking action! And some tits and booty while we're at it!  
  
Security Dude 'handles' Man in Audience.   
  
Jerry: Yuki, are you the only sohma who loves Tohru, aside from baka neko *cough * I meant Kyou? jerry sweat drops as baka neko glares at him with contempt  
  
Yuki: Well...no, actually.  
  
Jerry: We will meet the other Sohma bishounens and find out what they have to say after  
  
this commercial break!  
  
Insert K-Y jelly Trojan Commercial here. (If you don't know what that is and you writinng yaoi/slash then you're doing something seriously wrong..)  
  
Jerry: Welcome, back! For those of you just joining us, we were just about to bring out  
  
the Mabudachi Trio and the rest of the sohma male harem to find out their stances on their "savior's" romance. Come on  
  
out, guys!  
  
Momiji,Hiro, Ritsu and Hatsuharu walk out followed by Ayame, who is dragging Hatori  
  
and Shigure. All women in the audience, and even some questionably gaymen, go crazy.   
  
Shigure: We get to be on television! And all these girls here just to see us * sparkles *!  
  
Hatori: Shigure, you have some serious explaining to do after this mess is over!  
  
Ayame: I find it demeaning that we talk of our problems for the entertainment of others  
  
who will ridicule us... Though they would only ridicule you, for I am far to  
  
beautiful to ridicule (he said flipping his hair the way only ayame can)  
  
Jerry: Anyway, welcome to the show!  
  
Momijii: MUTTI! What am I doing here? I'm not in love with Tooru no MUTTI.  
  
Jerry: whispers You're here to bring up the ratings. Chicks dig cute overly genki bishounen that don't act their age; prime example Ryuichi Sakuma brought up Riki Lake's Ratings to an all time high just last week!. normal tones again Anyway, Ayame! How do you feel  
  
about Tohru?  
  
Ayame: Well, Tohru-kun is special but she's not my type. She makes my darling Yuki  
  
Happy and that's good enough for me…besides I have Gure-san to keep me warm at night winks at Shigure who blows him a kiss and goes back to scouting chicks in the audience  
  
Jerry: Yuki how do you feel about Ayame's devotion ?  
  
Yuki: I find him appalling; the fact we're brothers is a mere coincidence..  
  
Ayame fangirls in Audience: Urusai kuso nezumi!! What you need is to get your ass  
  
Kicked or #@#@# by baka neko …  
  
Slash-loving females: wooohooo  
  
Surprise! Security Dude handles Ayame fangirls in Audience.   
  
Jerry: How do you feel about the Ayame's taste, Hatori?  
  
Hatori: I have no comment on the matter. I've been putting up with these two since grade school and there's nothing they can do or say to shock me …any more .  
  
Audience: awwwwww!  
  
Haru: oi! My turn to talk here! I just want to say that Yuki's my first love !!! .  
  
Jerry: I'm glad you decided to share that with the rest of us ; that should get some slash lovers fic bunnies going right audience?  
  
Audience: booooooo we want Kyou x Yuki Kyou x Yuki * chanting loudly *  
  
Hiro: Urusai! Just shut up. I'm only here to pick on "her' throws his adorably bratty glare at Tohru)  
  
Jerry: Come now, Hiro. Tell all our viewers at home how *you really* feel about  
  
Tohru  
  
Hiro: You really wanna know?  
  
Jerry: Yes.  
  
Hiro: I HATE THE DUMB #$#$%@#!@!#^&$#@ !! Does  
  
that answer your question?  
  
Jerry: Now is that how you really feel?  
  
Hiro: SHI NE! (for you Japanese illeterate that means drop dead)---  
  
Jerry: Commercial break time!  
  
To be continued  
  
  
  
Side Note: This was meant strictly to poke fun at all the crappy fics on ff.net especially the ones found in the fruits basket category. Umm btw I do like Tohru and most everyone in fruits basket I just hate the fandom. Hope you had fun reading this piece of crap though * grins * 


	2. Yaoi confessions: Jerry gets the scoop f...

Hi all thanks to the one person that reviewed my fic ( I felt inspired to write more. Unfortunately I'm sort of busy with my job at mcdonalds and getting my GED so I've only managed to come up with this so far but I since only one person reviewed it figure no one really gives a shit (laughs) oh well enjoy  
  
the Jerry Springer show returns back after another K-Y jelly commercial starring who else…Kyou x Yuki woohoo!! Hiro still wants to kick jerry's ass and Momiji is busy passing out candy to all the yaoi fangirls in the crowd ( )  
  
Jerry: Welcome back to the show! Well seems like most of these fine young men on stage suffer from the Miaka-syndrome ; that is they're all in love with the main character.  
  
Ayame: hold up! I'm GAY!! GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY !! don't bunch me up with rest of these heteros!  
  
Shigure: now there, Ayaa…don't make me tell your yaoi loving fangirls what you and Mine been doing at that "bridal shop for men" shigure said winky at a dumbfounded Ayame  
  
Ayame: (cough) well …anyways what's wrong with a little pussy every now and then !  
  
Hatori shoots a look at both Ayame and Shigure one that immediately shut both men up  
  
Jerry: oooookie! Well we've establish both kyou and Yuki want tohru but because of the damn curse have found refuge in each other's arm is that right?  
  
Kyou: Teme!!! SHI NE! I wouldn't fuck him if my life depended on it the grumpy baka neko snarled at Jerry  
  
Jerry: Yikes! bouncer guy restrains baka neko who just lounged aiming for Jerry plum neck  
  
Yuki: kusou ! I've had enough of the butt sex fics! I don't understand why I have to be paired up with the baka neko!!  
  
Yaoi fangirl: We don't hate tohru but we want you two to be together so we can get all hot and horny reading you take it up the ass like a girl!!!!  
  
Audience: Yeah!!!!! chant KYOU X YUKI KYOU X YUKI  
  
things are getting out of hand….  
  
Jerry : I think we'll pause and take another commercial break ; stay tune for for more development on the Kyou x Yuki craze  
  
To be Continued 


End file.
